Greetings and Salutations,
This Sunday marks three weeks here and things are falling into place at a rate I can hardly keep up with or believe. The gratitude I feel is simply impossible to express to you. I have two jobs so far that aren't benefited but have plenty of hours for the next several months. I will have a much needed opportunity to catch my breath, catch up on expenses that are racking up, and allow time for something more permanent to work itself out.
I am in the pre-hire process and hoping it will only take two weeks, but could possibly take three (boo). So many steps, but in the end I will be a real employee in another city other than South Carolina. This is the first time this will happen for me. I've always been a travel nurse if not at home.
It is a subtle difference that gives me a sense of deep accomplishment from within. A new way to see myself that I am where I am because of me. Not because of where I was born, my parents (choices), a husband/ boyfriend, just me and my own decisions. I have stepped outside everything I have known to be my life up until this point and pursued my dream of where I wanted to live. Does that all make sense?
I find it very ironic that my place of employment is the same hospital that I worked at the first time I came to San Francisco as a travel nurse fourteen years ago almost to the month. April then, May now. Strange co-inky-dink.... no?
The way I have been treated thus far from both of the managers I will be working for exceeds my expectations. I felt like a duck in water in the interview and felt like I fit in immediately. I can't tell you the last time I felt that way. Long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away is all I have to say about that. (wow I just connected Star Wars with Forrest Gump LOL).
Next on the list of things "To Do" is housing. Now let me tell you I am S-C-A-R-E-D to get into the apartment search in the City. Its been described in the local papers as a "blood sport" and I am intimidated to say the least. But roll up my sleeves, take a deep breath, and jump in I will (Yoda is that you?). It will be an interesting and entertaining learning curve. I will try to keep my eye centered on the thought of relaxing and knowing it will work out just like it is supposed to. Just let it happen. Deep breath.
I am still very torn about living in Emeryville, just outside the city. I can get twice the space, parking, and a balcony for the same price as a closet in the City, but it isn't-- the City. I am so very torn between the two. Deep breath. I will close my eyes and in the end listen to my inner voice. I trust myself I'll know what to do when its time to decide.
I know one thing. I have a POD full of SHIT waiting on me to be shipped. I have to let go of alot of crap regardless of where I live. Dear Lord in Heaven the process that is before me makes me swimmy headed and nauseous. Deep breath.
No matter, life truly is a journey and I feel very much on the pathway of my life. This experience is teaching me so much. All of the anxiety is worth the learning about life, choices, and rewiring my thought processes. I am learning to have a greater sense of ownership of who I am and who I will shape myself to become. The process of evolving never stops.
Change is difficult and I have to admit this entire process is much harder than I expected. I am learning that no matter how much you plan, it is alot about how you handle the curve balls. Your reactions and decisions to those can ultimately make the outcome of success or failure. It is the harmony you strike within yourself of these two forces that determines your ultimate fate.
Three weeks in and I can with 1,000,000% certainty tell you I have made the right decision. I feel like I have only begun living my destiny. I have nothing but excitement for what is yet to come. Bring it..I'm ready.
Tootles :)
Heather
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
I'mmmm Here (Said In My Best Poltergeist Voice)
Greetings and Salutations, (this was written Sunday)
It has been one week today that I arrived in California. I am so very excited but I have to admit out loud that I am taken mildly aback that I still have some adjusting to the culture shock that is San Francisco and California. It has been five years since I have lived here and I thought that totally counted. I have humbly discovered that even with prior experience, there is still plenty of readjusting ahead of me.
I have been spending time this week thinking about how change effects us. Even self inflicted, change is stressful. In order to have the best experience possible while on this journey of change I will redirect my brain gently back to the present as much as possible when I get worked up about the next step before I get to it. Wondering when I will get a full time job. Worrying about the slightly (tongue in cheek) overwhelming process of deciding what part of the city, including outside of it, to live. Will I run out of savings before I land a job. One thing at a time. Breathe.
Change. Its a challenging, often difficult to process to navigate. We naturally long for predictability in our lives. It makes us feel safe and secure. I guess that is a perspective I have never thought about until now. Change as a process, not just a feeling to be rated from 0-10 scale of unbearable to most comfortable. It really is a process that you have to go through to get to the other side.
That is why your temperament has everything to do with your interpretation of the effect the process has on you. One man's trench to wallow in is another man's mountain to conquer. Crappy all the way or surrender best you can and become one with the process. The choice, while rarely easy nor completely impossible is simply, complicatedly (is this a word?) up to the individual. Nothing is forever and what was uncomfortable yesterday with patience becomes tomorrows pleasure. I chose to see the mountain.
This morning while I was eating breakfast I was enjoying TV (I haven't had cable since June last year). I was surfing and settled on a sermon with Joel OSteen already in progress.
It was about being satisfied where ever you are in your current season (of life) even if it isn't quite where you want to be. To not fall into the trap of the proverbial carrot that dangles in front of you of contentment/satisfaction. If I get____, then I will be happy. If I get this or that job or this or that apartment/house then I'll be happy. Problem is human nature teaches us (if we pay attention) "then" never comes. Its always replaced with something else. We can get stuck in a life of discontentment/dissatisfaction. This was a very timely sermon. It reminded me of where I honestly do try to keep myself. Satisfaction with the moment I am in, while still keeping my eye on the goal.
No matter how long it takes you to attain the goals you set for yourself in life never stop trying to get there. I can honestly say that if I wasn't as driven as I was for some things I can't even explain, I would have never made this move to California. I would have changed my mind a multitude of times along the way.
I am still scared now. I just keep forging ahead. I will see this through success or fail. What I am trying to say is your journey has to be your own. It has to have meaning and have teeth for you and no one else. When you get scared and want to chicken out along the way, you have to have the fortitude to stick with your original plan because of what it means to you. That comes only from within you.
I will take the time to remind myself when I get scared of the changes I am under going, it is a process like anything else in life and this too shall pass. This too shall improve and get better with time. I need to be as relaxed as possible to make the best choices along the way I can so that the outcome exceeds my expectations and fears. How can I really lose if I exceed either one of those two things?
Tootles :)
Heather
It has been one week today that I arrived in California. I am so very excited but I have to admit out loud that I am taken mildly aback that I still have some adjusting to the culture shock that is San Francisco and California. It has been five years since I have lived here and I thought that totally counted. I have humbly discovered that even with prior experience, there is still plenty of readjusting ahead of me.
I have been spending time this week thinking about how change effects us. Even self inflicted, change is stressful. In order to have the best experience possible while on this journey of change I will redirect my brain gently back to the present as much as possible when I get worked up about the next step before I get to it. Wondering when I will get a full time job. Worrying about the slightly (tongue in cheek) overwhelming process of deciding what part of the city, including outside of it, to live. Will I run out of savings before I land a job. One thing at a time. Breathe.
Change. Its a challenging, often difficult to process to navigate. We naturally long for predictability in our lives. It makes us feel safe and secure. I guess that is a perspective I have never thought about until now. Change as a process, not just a feeling to be rated from 0-10 scale of unbearable to most comfortable. It really is a process that you have to go through to get to the other side.
That is why your temperament has everything to do with your interpretation of the effect the process has on you. One man's trench to wallow in is another man's mountain to conquer. Crappy all the way or surrender best you can and become one with the process. The choice, while rarely easy nor completely impossible is simply, complicatedly (is this a word?) up to the individual. Nothing is forever and what was uncomfortable yesterday with patience becomes tomorrows pleasure. I chose to see the mountain.
This morning while I was eating breakfast I was enjoying TV (I haven't had cable since June last year). I was surfing and settled on a sermon with Joel OSteen already in progress.
It was about being satisfied where ever you are in your current season (of life) even if it isn't quite where you want to be. To not fall into the trap of the proverbial carrot that dangles in front of you of contentment/satisfaction. If I get____, then I will be happy. If I get this or that job or this or that apartment/house then I'll be happy. Problem is human nature teaches us (if we pay attention) "then" never comes. Its always replaced with something else. We can get stuck in a life of discontentment/dissatisfaction. This was a very timely sermon. It reminded me of where I honestly do try to keep myself. Satisfaction with the moment I am in, while still keeping my eye on the goal.
No matter how long it takes you to attain the goals you set for yourself in life never stop trying to get there. I can honestly say that if I wasn't as driven as I was for some things I can't even explain, I would have never made this move to California. I would have changed my mind a multitude of times along the way.
I am still scared now. I just keep forging ahead. I will see this through success or fail. What I am trying to say is your journey has to be your own. It has to have meaning and have teeth for you and no one else. When you get scared and want to chicken out along the way, you have to have the fortitude to stick with your original plan because of what it means to you. That comes only from within you.
I will take the time to remind myself when I get scared of the changes I am under going, it is a process like anything else in life and this too shall pass. This too shall improve and get better with time. I need to be as relaxed as possible to make the best choices along the way I can so that the outcome exceeds my expectations and fears. How can I really lose if I exceed either one of those two things?
Tootles :)
Heather
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