Don't Forget The Little Things.... They Can Mean A lot

Greeting and Salutations,
  Hi.  Hope you are all awesome.  Lets get to it, shall we?  As I have been thinking enthusiastically about blogging I have pictured writing the first series of blogs in perfect chronological order.  Then I quickly got swimmy headed (and nauseous) as I wasn't sure where to begin. Where is the perfect place to start?  What is the perfect lead into what I want to blog to you about?  How will I know what to say next and then after that and after that?  Then I took a step back (and a deep breath) and realized that there is no perfect place to start. I'll know what to say next because it's what will come out of my head and onto this screen at that moment and then the next.
  Life isn't perfect. Its out of order.  Sometimes messy.  Sometimes you hit the nail on the head and other times you smash your finger.  I'm learning life has such a different appearance when you let go of chasing perfection (spoiler alert: perfect doesn't exist).  A life of imperfection is something I will spend a lot of time talking about over the coming weeks. Tonight ain't one of those nights :)
  Last week, after quarantining myself in my apartment for several days after being sick I finally got out (no cooties, I wasn't contagious) and went shopping with my wonderful niece.  It was a three-fer.  Spent time with her, got her out of her apartment too, and did alittle shopping at the same time.  After all, you need a partner in crime when you shop don't you?  I have a pretty long list of things I have been needing to buy for my apartment basically since I moved in on May 2, 2014. Little finishing stuff like kitchen rugs (finally found one I really liked), anti slip mats for underneath ones in the bedroom and the closet etc etc.  They have been sliding around and getting on my nerves for four plus years (ridiculous 🙄).
  Let me back track just a minute to give you context for the upcoming Epiphany I had the other night while putting away my loot from the store.  I love San Francisco. I love my apartment.  I love all three of my jobs.  I love the neighborhood I live in (for most at first blush, you'd freak. It's in the Tenderloin.  One of those "don't judge a book by its cover" places, but that's another blog for another time LOL).  I love my life and I'm grateful for everything in it good or bad, happy or sad.  There has been one thing, however I haven't been able to wrap my head around and fully understand until last week.
  often  OK I fully admit, on average 95% of the time I have been having a major problem with the Juju of my apartment for the vibe it gives me.  At work I think of all the things I want to do when I get home and yet all too often I do exactly nothing.  Not one thing and I'm not talking about being too tired from work to do anything.  I walk in the door and suddenly I'm overwhelmed.  A darkness falls over me and all I want to do is bury myself in TV.  I sometimes tell myself I'll head out for something fun to do or errands "in alittle while". I never do.  I have basic and important errands I need to accomplish like replacing a worn out pair of shoes for work or an everyday pair that I've worn out as well. Groceries etc.  I don't do it.  Its daunting to think about all I need to do and how long it will take to do it, so over and over again I choose nothing.  I go on vacation and this feeling evaporates. That's because not only is it one of my happiest places on earth (vacation), but I'm not surrounded by "my stuff". Its like I love everything about my apartment except what feels often like 99% of what I have in it.  Its difficult to describe.
  Like everyone else, even in a studio apartment, its easy to collect things you don't need or that don't actually serve you.  I buy very little, but habits are sometimes hard to keep broken.  Looking around on any given day I am also reminded about what I brought with me from South Carolina when I moved to San Francisco.  Some things have ghosts attached from my past life (metaphorical, not real don't worry 👻 LOL).
  As part of the what seems like a lifelong and ongoing purging process, a few weeks ago (it had been on my " To Do" list for months if not at least a year) I finally got the push I needed from watching Marie Kondo's first season on Netflix "Tidy Up".  Reading (part of) her book was a much different experience than watching an episode. It clicked watching it vs reading it.  Anyway, I wanted to tweak her advise of how to go about purging with something that worked better for me.  Instead of gathering all the "books" in my apartment (she touts doing objects vs location ie ALL clothes ALL books vs your bedroom or closet etc) I started in my bedroom. No disrespect to Ms Kondo, but I know myself better than she does.
  I touched EVERYTHING. Thought I'd get rid of a book or two for sure.  I got rid of seventeen.  Now everything in that room serves me TODAY.  Not the life I had before in South Carolina.  Not what appealed to me years ago even post move.  Books from years and years ago at the time I bought for a dollar I knew odds are I'd never read.  But at the time, I had more bookshelves.  I had more room, but that's not really the point it is?  They no longer serve me.  I no longer want them and many, many other things I touched.  Some things I got rid of I've had for more years than I care to admit to.  No longer.  Not one thing remains I don't want or can use or truly love.  It felt as if I shed a hundred pounds (or more) of mental baggage.
  So let me bring us back to that night last week.  I finally realized why I have felt such an overwhelming, depressing, darkness, can't breath, paralyzing feeling come over me when I walk in the door of my awesome apartment.  I bought organizers for the utensil drawer (yes, directly inspired by Ms Kondo) and I was arranging things just so.  I looked around. The kitchen felt as awesome as my bedroom and then it hit me.  Physically I moved in May 2, 2014.  The night this all happened, January 20, 2019 I moved in mentally and emotionally.  I never really moved in in 2014.  I was still grieving the loss of my mom and sorting thru the major transition of picking up my life and starting all over.  I have begun the process of making room for who I am today by letting go of the past in the form of a book, or trinket that no longer serves me or makes me happy.  Physical and mental clutter and baggage are disappearing and its AMAZING.
  I have the rest of the apartment to do and while its daunting to touch everything you own the payoff is immeasurable.  Last week I realized with the small touches, a new rug here, an organized drawer there, I didn't just move here, I LIVE here now. This IS home and these are the things I choose today to surround myself with.  Some are old and some are new.  Some things I've had for decades.  The feelings of overwhelming, depressing, darkness, and can't breath, and totally paralyzed seem to be all but evaporating in front of my eyes.  I just Googled the definition of Epiphany.  I didn't realize it, but apparently it has many different meanings.  I like this one I just read in the book " You are a Badass" by Jen Sincero.  GET THIS BOOK.  Anyway, I love her definition: "An epiphany is a visceral understanding of something you already know". I think that is a fitting definition.  Don't you? 💕

Tootles 😜🤓
Heather

Calling All Readers.....Momentum Needed..... I need Your Input STAT!!

Greetings and Salutations,
  Hi. Happy New Year 🎉.  I hope this finds you all well and ready for a stellar 2019. I have set many goals for myself mentally and still need to get them down on paper. This is one of them. I have a special favor to ask of you and I would really appreciate your participation. Its simple and very short.  (skip to "**OK so finally here is my request" if you need to skip over the blah blah blah :)
  I very much foresee a transitional year for me personally.  It is time to make many personal changes and reach for some challenges I have let go by the way side for many, many years.  I am Ok and doing good. Plugging along.  Life is amazing and I am grateful for all it has to offer me.  I have so many things to be thankful for and blessed.  I'm still on the life long journey to self actualization and personal growth.  I want to take you along with me and let's do this together as I love company.  I'm a Southern girl at heart and always, if nothing else, the consummate hostess 😎
  I very, very, very much miss blogging and I can no longer go without it in my life. It was such a vital outlet for me.  I discovered I really love writing.  I think about it all the time.  I have purchased a few home study courses to help me sharpen my writing skills since I've never had any formal training beyond the basics you get in routine school.  An average blog used to take me about four hours to publish.  I just don't always have that kind of time in my busy city life.  This has been a deterrent for 4 years, along with my relocation to the West Coast. That was a distraction as well 😛 .  My life is a lot different than what it used to be and I've let that get in my way instead of adapting.  As I write, study, and learn, I will be able to put out blogs much more efficiently.  When life puts a rock in your path, figure out a way around it.
  **Ok so finally here is my request.  Please tell me the best day of the week you have time to sit down and read a blog such as mine.  We all lead extremely busy lives. I need to feel like I'm not blogging on the worst day possible to no one out there.  Monday's are when I used to publish them (and can totally keep that day). I want you to help me pick the best night of the week for .... "Its that time again.... You know....Share it if you dig it  :)~ " If you can't comment on here ( I think you have to join page to comment)... look me up on Facebook. I have a page there too. It will be the latest post on the page.  Its totally easy to comment on that wall.  Here is the FB page (copy/cut/paste).... www.facebook.com/lifecheerleader/

Thank you so very much for you're participation in helping me reach a personal goal.  I appreciate everyone that reads my blog and connects with what I write about.  I am grateful for this outlet.  Please feel free to always make comments of any kind along the way.  I love to hear your perspective.  I'm always encouraged by comments of thoughtfulness and critiques too. I'm always game to learn.  Remember this comes from my heart and I am by no means a professional blogger, writer, or always the best at getting my thoughts across succinctly. But I can promise I'm authentic and real.  I always speak from my heart.  Lets make 2019 rock and lets journey through this together 💕

Tootles  😜🤓
Heather

PS...Can you tell I just discovered I can add emoji's?? Hee Hee

Intimacy...Can You Have It In The Absence of Real Connection?

Greetings and Salutations,
  What? Twice in one week after not blogging for two years?  I am so excited to be writing again. I have problem solved one of my biggest issues which was not being able to write in my apartment.  The space just isn't conducive.  I am going to work on that, but for the time being here we are again together.  Oh how I have missed you.  I certainly hope you are all doing fantastic.
  Today at work I got hit by an epiphany.  As I navigate the online dating world I have learned much about not only myself, which I could make into another blog, but about human behavior and interaction.  I have been trying to understand why, generically speaking, the majority of guys want to skip to sex and intimacy.  I know the simple answers.  I'm interested in the deeper ones.  Today I was hit out of the blue with viable answers.  We truly live in a different world than I have known up until now.  So much has changed since the Internet, but nothing (for the purpose of my topic today) has changed human interaction more than smartphones and texting.
  We are more disconnected than we have ever been in my life time.  I think you could easily say in modern times and not be overstating a fact.  While I really think I am correct in that statement, I don't feel like doing the research to back it up.  We no longer communicate-- we text.  We hide behind the comfort of knowing you can really text anything you want no matter how perverted, rude, or disgusting because you don't have to look into the eyes of the person you are having a conversation with.  Because it isn't a real conversation. 
  Should you be the writer, you can say anything you want. The phone offeres a buffer to the social norms of face to face interaction.  Should you be on the receiving end, it's one dimensional, heard in your head with your voice as the narrator. It greatly depends on your temperament of the day and your perspective alone in life as to the tone and how the message sounds to you. There would be alot less misunderstandings in the texting world if Morgan Freeman could be the built in narrator of every ones texts.  Impossible to misunderstand something that man reads LOL
  I just got back from online date number 431 (or so it feels LOL).  Apparently, given the post conversation of a first meeting followed up with two days of texing I am spot on with my hypothesis. Condensed version is this guy, who at first meeting appeared to be not the typical guy.  Smart, attractive, well educated, in my age group.  But his texting choice of conversation was in direct contrast to who he seemed to be in person.  After two hours of a first meeting his text questions included when could he see me naked and when could we be more intimate.  Jeez.
  He really got me thinking. In a good way.  With more depth than his shallow and predictable line of text talking.  I asked him clarification questions based on how he came across on the phone. I asked him would he look me in the eye and ask the same questions.  He said no absolutely not.  I find it funny because I would never say anything via text that I wouldn't have the balls to to look someone in the face and ask/say.  Guess that sets me apart from 99% of the current dating population.  How boring for me.
  These are my take away thoughts. Intimacy is something that in my opinion comes about as you get to know someone or know well.  Not 2 hours after meeting.  Intimacy, whether it includes actual sex or all the stuff in between is best felt (at best) with the emotional depth two people feel that are somewhat known to each other.  Why would you want to skip this integral part? Intimacy in the absence of emotional depth and connection is purely sexual gratification.  Sex and all that comes with it is so much better felt on a deeper level.  It's what gives physical contact greater pleasure. I am speaking in terms beyond just wanting a one night stand.
  I think most men and I know this can apply to women as well, but I am speaking to my individual experience, want to cherry pick.  They want to reap the rewards of human touch and oneness without wanting to put in the effort of forging some kind of relationship in my opinion it takes to make that physical connection have real meaning.  They are unable, unwilling, to do the work it takes to make any kind of real emotion connection.  They get bored easily, after all we live in an instant world.  Most of us have a skewed sense of what's real.  So many people today lack the skills for interpersonal relationships.  Real face time. Real conversation.  It is a byproduct of the Internet, social media, smartphones, all the apps that come with them, and texting. 
  How exactly are you to meet anyone with these forces working against you?  I am perplexed. Baffled, but this is the dating world that I live in.  The more I learn, the more I love being single.  The more I am really ready to celebrate who I am, my standards, and my choices of how to fill my time day today.  I draw strength from what seems like dating failures to the outside world.  I'll wait my turn.  My Edward, Raj, or Justin is out there.  Until we cross paths, I'll have the best single life possible.

Tootles :)~
Heather