The Best Has Yet To Come....Right?

Greetings and Salutations
     Tonight I was pulling into my driveway when a song came on the radio that I don't think I have heard in about forever.. You know the kind, the ones you haven't heard in years yet you immediately know all the words and can remember what you were doing when you heard it last.. The tune has left me as the music I am currently listening to fills my head but I can tell you I know exactly what I was doing the last time I heard it.. I was about sixteen or seventeen and I was slow dancing with some dude.. I can remember back then I didn't know what the world had in store for me but I was filled with potential.. Filled with all the possibilities the way you are when you are in your late teens and feel that the world is an endless place of opportunity.. You hadn't had much time to screw up your life if you were lucky and I was.. I had managed to stave off teen pregnancy and drugs to name a few.. I knew I was going to attend college.. I knew I was going to be a nurse.. I remember how attention from a guy made me feel nervous.. I can picture myself as if it was yesterday yet I remain now as I was then speechless as to describe what I was feeling inside.. I do know now the thought that never dawned on me during that time in my life.. That what I wanted and what reality would be for me were two very distinct points that would for the next twenty-six years not always be one in the same..
     What is the task of your forties? I don't mean Erickson's teachings.. I mean without looking it up in a book what is the task at hand? When I was in my late teens and early twenty's it never occurred to me that there was a difference between what I wanted and what I would have.. That is an interesting truth to admit to myself.. I followed along.. I graduated from high school.. I went to college.. I graduated with a degree and career.. I got married.. Then what? I got divorced.. Then what? I stuck around Charleston for a few years working.. Then I traveled for ten years.. I played.. I traveled.. I partied.. Then what? I met the guy I honestly believed what the "one".. I came home.. Five years and lots of tears later he is one of my best friends, but I am back to the drawing board.. In my forties I find myself compelled to be the best I can be.. To make those choices that some make earlier in life and others have still yet to figure out.. Decisions that I didn't or haven't made until now for myself.. I am trying to make better choices with my time, friends, potential lovers, job, and effort in life..
      I was talking to a friend this morning and she was telling me about how old she felt physically.. It isn't as much the actual words she was saying.. It was the message I heard underneath the words.. "I'm forty-eight and I'm old".. The other day I saw Maya Angelou on Oprah and she was talking about how with each decade it gets better and better from thirties, forties, fifties etc.. She said the seventies and eighties rock and put the other years to shame.. So how do I figure out how to fight the feeling that I can't get to where I want to be? That I am not past my "prime" if the best has yet to come? I know for sure I'll continue to travel in a forward direction because while I am trying to figure it all out time will pass anyway.. Might as well keep making efforts to improve the quality of my life.. And I guess that IS the thing I am striving for.. Not just better choices in life but to change the quality of my life..
     Maybe if I keep my head in the space that everything I am doing contributes to that quality I can get over the hump.. I can accept that when you go from floating along in life and making the best of what comes your way is completely different then CREATING a life that is full of quality.. That the latter takes lots and lots of work, dedication, and patience for the payoff.. Maybe this is the task of your forties.. Quality in life and everything that you choose to fill it with.. How you choose to face those things that you may not have either had a choice in or happened as a direct result of poor thought processes at the time..
     I will plugging along and choose to believe that my future is bright with possibilities and that I feel blessed when I help other people, including myself, though being a nurse or writing a blog.. I will continue to follow this path and enjoy the journey along the way.. All things truly are possible and if you get bored or give up and close your eyes that is when you will miss your turn to your destiny.. I don't know about you but I would rather stay awake and not miss the turn in the first place.. I get the phrase 'the journey is the destination' and I totally believe in it.. I don't want to rush it but at the same time I can't help to feel "am I there yet?"


Tootles  :)
Heather