Greetings and Salutations
Hope everyone is doing great and life is plugging along.. This weekend I am attending my 25th high school reunion and I have to admit I am some what nervous about it.. While things in my life have never been better and are far from reaching a plateau, I wish this was next year.. Then more of my hard work would have time to make it to the outside of me.. Guess I really shouldn't feel like that and while I don't really think of myself as vain, I guess I do have alittle more pride and vanity than I would really care to see in myself.. But I guess the truth of the matter is life is life and where I am in my life is where I am today and I will stand proud for who I have become and what I look like.. Beyond those thoughts I also worry what if hardly any one remembers me? What if I hardly remember anyone? After all, high school wasn't exactly a pinnacle point in the timeline of my life (thank the Lord).. I hope I can remember some of the stories that I hear someone talk about and I hope I remember a few of my own..
Guess alittle trepidation is normal.. Its always scary for me to see someone who knew me when I was younger and had the smoking hot body I did back then.. I had no idea what I had.. I sure do today and it is a source of shame.. Funny, even seeing the word shame seems foreign to me.. I have been lucky in life that there are few things I have/had true shame for.. I have regrets or wish I could have a few "do overs".. I have mistakes.. I have some sadness.. I have joy and happiness.. I have victories and successes.. Shame is something I have had very little experience in really feeling.. I would rate my past overall as just that, my past.. When I think of it today overall I rate it as positive and everything that has happened in my life as brought me to the very spot I sit in tonight and for that I am eternally grateful.. I can't just take the good.. Its a package deal and I am so OK with that.. I would trade NOTHING.. I do, however, (still) feel shame when I see someone I haven't seen in 15- 20 years or more.. I always wonder if they think time has been good or terrible to me.. I never know what they really think.. I think this is going to be the life lesson of the weekend and I welcome the entire experience with an open mind and heart..
Don't misunderstand me when I describe my feelings.. I am so very proud of the person I am today and who I will be tomorrow.. I have worked hard to reshape my lifestyle and I am not daunted by what I have yet to reap.. That day will come and it isn't now.. I have more work to do.. I have to stay with all that I am doing to achieve the goals I have in my head.. Most days I have total peace with that and the process of arriving.. Its just the vulnerable part of me.. The part that wants acceptance and not rejection.. While I am nervous, I am excited too.. It will be great to see some friends I haven't seen in awhile as well as since high school and to just have fun..
I would imagine some of these same thoughts will cross someone else's mind Saturday night too if not already.. Wonder if I will connect with an old friend I haven't thought about in years.. Wonder if I will learn a different perspective about a story I hear and think "wow, I never knew you felt that way".. I wonder if nothing will happen and it will just be a few overall awkward hours with people I didn't know then and still don't know now.. Of course happily shared with the same buddies I hung out with back in the day and have fun talking about old times and new.. My vote would be alittle of all of the above and let the night evolve as it will and bask in the experience good or otherwise.. I would gladly welcome any experiences you have had at your high school reunions in the past.. Share here, on Facebook, or my email: helpfulbee@gmail.com
Tootles :)
Heather
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