The Bumps and Bruises of Friendship

Greetings and Salutations--
     Well, I decided to take advantage of my mood today and blog early..  Didn't want to take the chance that the thoughts and feelings would evaporate by tomorrow.. Today's topic came to me while I was talking with a friend of mine the other day.. She was speaking about a relationship of her's that is is strained.. She was talking about being willing to make an effort at improving it, but topped off the sentence with "I'll give it a try but if they don't respond its not my job to make this work" (that isn't a direct quote but very close to it)  My knee jerk thought was maybe it is her "job", since she cares, to get the ball rolling and initiate what the other person either isn't capable of or is unwilling to do at this time.. My second thought was isn't it interesting that we often clarify the conclusion of a future event with what we will do when it ends badly?? Its interesting that we all struggle with the unknown.. When is the last time you felt like you were putting yourself out there, making yourself emotionally vulnerable, and thought "boy am I going to feel great when this ends just like a hoped" without the disclaimer of how you will feel or what you will do if it fails miserably??  I believe it is an act of self preservation to figure out plan "b" ahead of time should "a" fail like we are scared it might.. No one likes to be broadsided and not see something hurtful or disappointing coming their way.. Its much easier to prepare for the worst, then it isn't as devastating..
     Speaking of being "broadsided".. This takes me to what I really want to blog about.. Yesterday I was talking with another friend.. I was having a wonderful day and was telling her about it.. I had been in a great frame of mind since Friday and was loving the sense of calmness that had settled over me.. During the conversation, what was out of the blue for me, I got the riot friendship act read to me.. WOW.. To say "that hurt" is a gross understatement.. In the end I as informed it wasn't as bad as it could have been and not to be so "dramatic".. The details of what she said are less important than what it made me think of in the hours I have had to reflect and lick my wounds.
     Relationships are interesting that we chose to engage in with other people.. I have always considered myself fiercely loyal to my friends.. To stand by them through thick and thin.. Maybe it is the awareness that I am under going, but I am starting to see relationships in a light I have never noticed before.. For example how can friends, that I collected for a brief time while I was working in a city, come into town to visit me for the weekend and it seem like it was just yesterday we were all hanging out? Friends, mind you that I haven't seen nor talked to in 3 solid years..Yet a friend that I have been so very close to for years and years and talk to with regularity for some time now seems like such a stranger?
     Maybe, I think relationships aren't the steady unchanging rock I thought they were.. Maybe relationships are like the ebb and flow of the ocean.. High tide when you are connected to that friend and grounded in the commonalities of your lives.. Low tide when things are more distance and strained.. The tides always change back and forth between the two.. Maybe true friendship is one that stands the test of time and is the person you don't see for years, fall out of touch with, yet when the tide is right you are together and close again.. Maybe there are times in your life, if you are lucky enough to have a life long friend, that you have to wait out the moments when you can't relate to each other..
     Life is full of times when you are happy and rocking it out and times when it just plan out blows chunks.. Why have I always looked at friendships as never changing??  Our lives take us in diverging directions and there is no reason to suspect that friendships can't or won't come around full circle.. That change is just that--change.. It isn't forever and all things are possible with time.. Relationships take effort and work.. Love and understanding..
     I am postulating that sometimes friendships need space.. Time to inventory how your lives are different and develop new ways to have common ground.. Maybe true friendships are those that evolve over time and stand the test, not of the change but of the time it takes to make that happen.. It isn't a competition to think of whether the relationships in your life are "true" or "real".. I think it is just a matter of deciding if those you chose to surround yourself are all in the same stage of life.. Maybe more often than I ever thought possible you have to listen to yourself and those around you and be sure that you can meet the needs of your friends that are in your life at this moment and vise versa.. Today, after a days reflection I can't offer my friend what she needs.. That saddens me deeply.. But maybe I can offer to be a better friend to let her know that when things settle out in both of our lives we will be there for each other.. Maybe keeping it on the back burner, yet not off the stove is what it takes to keep a life long friend..


Tootles :)
Heather