Greetings and Salutations
Tonight I want to share with you my perspective of how I see having a positive belief system can share many gifts with you, especially when you need it the most.. Fun times are easy.. Bad times can suck the life out of you if you haven't already laid the ground work for how to deal with them.. I want to express how even thought I am in a very difficult and dark time in my life, my attitude is working to make a difference within me..
There are so very many things that have gone to the way side for me since the illness and death of my mother.. I have forgotten how to spell the word budget.. I have spent money somewhat cautiously but without adding up the receipts.. While at times it was a challenge, I had to remind myself that my wallet had a bottom to it.. I was, however, able to comfort myself by purchasing things that made sense.. Things that I would have or activities I would do to have positive memories to mark the passing of my mother.. Wind chimes, countless trips (eight I think) to Hyam's for plants, a new dress for the services, and unpaid time off to grieve.. Dining out and meeting friends out for drinks when ever I wanted or needed to.. I am thankful that I had the money to afford myself the luxuries that I did.. It was hard work and discipline to have it in savings and accessible in the first place.. It is now time to reel it in, recover, and replace the money that I have spent.. To prepare for future needs that will undoubtedly come up.. It will take me time, but I will get back on track..
I have gained weight.. Not enough to need new clothes but I have to tell you enough to really make me uncomfortable in my own skin.. One too many pizza's that at the time I was grateful that I was in the mood to even eat. Its funny how when you are really depressed all you can handle or want is junk food unless I guess you are one of those lucky people who never learned to eat crappy food in the first place.. I feel like I have gained the little weight I had lost before and kept it off until now.. This will change.. I can't remain like I am for long.. I am just too uncomfortable.. I know intellectually that exercise helps depression and anxiety.. And I also know that it is next to impossible to get your ass out of bed or off the couch for any thing more than the bare necessities to function and survive when you are depressed or have no inspiration.. It came to me the other day maybe one of the keys to getting exercise off the list and onto the pavement is the window of weakened depression/lack of motivation.. I keep this in mind and will be waiting in my running shoes when the mental clouds clear and they will.. I have needed to loose weight long before I lost my mother.. I will get back on track..
I strive to keep the house clean during the week so I can stop wasting away my weekends feeling obligated to clean the house because my habits during the week are lacking.. I've gotta admit my achilles heel is picking up after myself.. I have friends and a social life that I have never had before.. In the past it was all about work.. When I was on, when I was off, when I was sleeping, when I was flipping over from nights back to days and days back to nights, and if I wasn't at the bar back then I was on my couch watching TV.. My life is more than that now.. So my habits must change with it and I was hard at work about that.. I will get back on track..
I had lots of personal goals (twenty-two total to be exact) I had set for myself and was hard at work to complete for each quarter of the year.. To say these have been on the back burner is a gross understatement.. So what is the point that I wanted to share with you about how far off base I am and what that has to do with a positive attitude? That no matter how discouraged I may get for the moment, I have hope.. It grows within me everyday.. Tomorrow is a chance to get it right again and I take every chance I am given even if I am unsuccessful.. One day I will get it right and move onto the next thing on my list.. I know dark and sad days will pass and I try to be patient for them to leave me.. This too shall pass right?
I haven't given up on my dreams.. I keep my chin up even if there are tears in my eyes and still plug away at my goals.. My strides in life for the moment are just smaller than before.. I am still moving forward and I am thankful that I am able to see the sliver lining in life.. I have prepared myself well and continue to reap the rewards of my insight into myself and the world around me.. I continue to be a student of life and always thankful I keep a sunny disposition while learning.. A negative belief system robs you of hope, faith, resilience, and happiness to name a few key ingredients that I believe make a life worth having and living.. You shouldn't have to always feel happiness to believe it is just around the corner.. Finally I can see negative thinking and all that comes with it as the parasite that it is.. Can you?
Tootles :)
Heather
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