Greetings and Salutations
Good evening.. Hope all is well.. I have to admit that I am alittle short on creativity tonight.. I do have alot of personal thoughts bouncing around in my noggin'.. Not sure that I have an overall message of anything more than the fact that I constantly wonder how I will ever get to the place that I see when I close my eyes and picture my life.. Don't get me wrong, I by no means am going to give up.. I will keep at it until I get it period.. Like many things in my life I will not give up until I get it right or decide that I no longer want it.. I find that the road is calling to me again and I refuse to go out as I did before: 12 hour nights in the ER (mostly) It will have to be very different this time and I am not sure what is in my head is achievable in the nurse travel world.. Then again I have never tried the more sane departments that are out there to work in..
I love the work life balance that I have obtained thus far in my life.. I am not even sure that travel nursing is what I want to do again.. I really love my life here.. I love my friends and I love being in my house with my things and Charleston in general.. Yet I can't see going through the next how ever many years with only 2 or 3 weeks off a year for vacation that you have to jocky for.. I have the desire to travel so strong in my blood ( and I don't mean to work) that I am not sure how to ignore it.. Somehow I have got to figure out a way to find a happy medium in my life of work and desire to travel the world..
I have no desire to work 12 hour shifts again.. I can no longer work nights because I #1 I flat out don't want to and #2 I can't sleep during the day any longer.. I learned that a few years ago.. I love having evenings off so I can take a class, meet up with friends, and know that any given evening I am off and available to do what ever I please.. I like it that my life no longer revolves around my job.. I love it that I have a regular schedule and only work 8 hours a day.. I understand that you have to pick your poisons so maybe that is what I am trying to sort out.. What poison to I want to pick? D-- none of the above :) I want my cake and eat it too.. I just have to figure out how to go about obtaining that.. It is on my mind 24/7.. Last night I dreamed I had to start taking call again.. That was a nightmare!! LOL
I have committed to making no decisions for atleast the next 6 months.. I am going to take a trip to somewhere I have never been in the next few months (weeks I hope) and I think this will help hold me over.. I need to let the events of the past month (+) sink in and get used to the idea that mom is gone.. Decide what direction I want to take my life next and formulate a plan.. I trust myself that I will know what to do when the time is right.. My inner voice hasn't let me down yet and I don't think it will start now.. I want to keep all options open and the right thing will happen if I keep my mind focused and open to all possibilities.. The last thing I need to do is go off half cocked about anything and make a mess out of the life I have worked so hard to achieve..
It is most difficult to hold back and wait.. While I have learned to enjoy delayed gratification, it is still a bit tricky to live in that space all the time.. We all want it yesterday and now.. I will continue to work hard at blogging, keeping my eyes and ears peeled for options while my heart heals.. I want to do the right thing and keep my best interest at heart.. I know taking a deep breath and letting the dust settle is the right thing to do.. I love it here and want to figure out how to have the best of both worlds. My dream today is split my time between San Francisco and Charleston peppered with LOTS of international travel.. I have a deep love of Charleston and can't really imagine my life without this address in the mix.. Wonder how I will make that happen? Its gonna be interesting if nothing else
Tootles :)
Heather
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