Greetings and Salutations,
I have lots to report. I am or guess say I have all but decided to move to Berkeley, California in the San Francisco Bay Area in the next 4-6 months. This is, as the disclaimer goes, subject to change. Highly unlikely, but anything is possible. I have been thinking about this in all actuality for a very long time now. Thought I would move to San Francisco proper, but I think the direction of my life has changed over the past few years and I would rather enjoy SF from across the bay. So many things I want out of life come alittle easier outside the City. First thing is more space. Another list topper is it takes on average about $6,000 to get into a apartment in the city and I am just not up for all that comes with it.
I am very familiar with the SF Bay area, and when my thoughts arrived at Berkeley, it just clicked. A peace settled over me. I've already planned a visit in the next few months. To look at my options with a resident's eye, not a traveler's. To refresh my senses and be sure what my gut is telling me 2700+ miles away is spot on. It's what my brain needs to be inline with my heart and instinct.
There are so many things about Charleston I will miss. All my wonderful and awesome friends. My home. The weather. The beauty. The bridges. The beach. The simplicity life here offers. The life I have here. The things I won't miss are how pigeon-holed I feel professionally. There are so few choices of where to work in the medical field vs SF Bay Area. I know as much as you can without being a resident of what I am getting myself into out there. I truly have a deep love for all things California, especially San Francisco. It brings out the best in me if that makes sense.
I have worked at a hospital in Berkeley in 2009 and will look to that and other options in the area. I am thinking about going back to Labor and Delivery as well as the ER again. I actually saw a post for a job in the ER for 8 hour shifts ( I about fell out of my chair) 0700-1500, 10-1830, and 1100-1930. Now I could go back to the ER with those kinds of shifts for sure. I still want to investigate options (surgery centers, eye centers, lumbar epidural centers). Unfortunately the L&D at this particular hospital is looking for experience within the past 2 years and mine is 1996 :)
Even though I am really excited at the thought of moving out there I am scared as hell. Scared of leaving, scared of "what if it is a big ass mistake". My heart says "are you kidding, it s perfect" but my mind isn't convinced just yet. I suddenly feel like an adult. I still have lots to check out and think about before my decision is final. It will be vital that I find someone special to rent my house. This isn't rental property, its my home that I will come back to one day. I want someone that will take care of it.
I have never moved my "home" cross country. I have been a South Carolina resident my whole life. I have always had SC plates and driver's licence. Even though I traveled for 10 years, Charleston has been home. It's felt kinda like a child playing with others in a room. Every so often they run back to check in with their mother before going off to play again. With mom gone, I no longer have someone to check in with. I am left to pursue my dreams. In the absence of my mom I feel the overwhelming pull to pursue a life outside of Charleston.
Currently I need to put California on the back burner and and batten down the hatches to make it though my first holiday season without my mom and not, in the end, wind up hating it. I refuse to do that. This is my favorite time of the year. May God grant me the strength I need and seek. I'm gonna do all I can to make her proud. I'm gonna do all I can to not lose myself in my grief and continue to make the life I started before her death. I will keep my heart and mind open. I will learn from this. She is in my heart every minute of every day. Some times her absence in my life is just plain overwhelming. Its something I will learn to live with.
Tootles :)
Heather
