Greetings and Salutations,
Ahhh. Another day in Covid paradise (eye roll emoji). So tonight I have a few disclaimers which I don't usually do, nor do I particularly like to do, but I feel it's necessary. Should I say you, I really most likely mean me. This blog is written from my perspective, duh. But on a deeper level, I never mean my experience has to be yours. I also don't mean that my perspective is the only one, nor where I may attribute to where I learned things from, my place of origin, is the only place on the earth that it can come from. It's a big world out there and I think we have more in common that what makes us different. I just mean this is what I think and how I see my world. I hope you can relate on what ever level strikes a cord with you. Ok. enough with the fine print. Let's do this.
In what I see is evolving with my blog, this is a series of ways to say thanks Covid, you bitch..... I want to say well.... thanks.
Singleness. Aloneness that comes along with singleness. I was talking with a dear friend tonight and we were talking about doing this Covid world alone vs being with someone. Having a partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, roommate, husband, wife blah blah blah. It made me thing about societal norms. Society is an amazing thing. It can give you a sense of belonging. It is also a double edge sword. It can also make you feel alienated. Maybe the society where you live accepts people who are alittle heavy physically. Maybe they (society) accept people who are more physically fit and places extra worth on youth, and outward physical fitness, or financial wealth. Maybe it's outdoor activities. Maybe it's having a family with kids. The list goes on and on.
I grew up in a society in The South that shunned being an adult (and by adult I mean over 24) and still single. 99%, so it seemed, of the population was (and still is according to Say Yes To The Dress Episodes I watch) married at 21-22. Surely something is wrong with you if your well into your 30s or 40s or 50s and still single, bless your heart (eye roll emoji). I mean come on. (Outward) success, according to what I observed in life was/is marriage in your early twenties, kids, a big house, nice car, picket fence blah blah. You know, the whole sha-bang. My life has never looked like that. Really ever. Sure, I had my shining moment when I was 22 I got married and tried to go down that yellow brick road. Only problem was, at 26 I found myself (secretly and also check in the box ) happily divorced and then wasn't sure what would be next. I figured surely I would find someone else to marry and do the whole life picture so I would look like my neighbors. No one would wonder what was wrong with me. I would look like everyone else. Measure my success in life by other people's yard stick
I'm 50 and that has yet to happen for me. I am still single and learning how to revel in that fact. I have learned to think or say "make friends with my singleness". I said to my friend tonight the honest truth is that I feel like a failure because I am still single after all this time (if I look to outward ques). To back up a bit for those who don't personally know me. I am VERY goal oriented. To a fault often. It is both a super human power ( think "Wonder Twins Power Activate" "Shape of" for those who watched The Justice League on Saturday mornings LOL) and equal parts a curse to some degree. It's one of two things. Success or failure. This is changing for me thank Holy Mother of Pearl. I am learning that for as much as society may place the blue ribbon on marriage, partnership, kids, house, and a dog, I am no less "successful" because I am single.
I get to sleep in, watch what I want on TV 100% of the time, eat what I want, make dinner, skip dinner, listen to music of my choice, travel where my hearts desire, and fart and laugh when I want, etc etc. I have traveled many places in the world and met and made awesome friends because I am single. People tend to leave you to yourselves when you are coupled up. Travel alone and they tend to take you under their wings. No better place (which has been proved time and time again when I have traveled abroad alone) has re-proven this to me than when I have camped alone. People seem to open up their hearts and camp fire to me when I'm the only one around my own fire ring.
Look, it's not a pissing match. Single or in a relationship. One is not "better" or "worse" than the other. Today I have acknowledged that in my own personal life I have rated it a life "F" because I am still single at 50. I haven't said that out loud until tonight. It sounded as silly as it reads now. There is nothing "wrong" with me. I am not unlovable. I am quite the opposite. I am very lovable. I have also realized I can only say I am alone physically. I have such an awesome network of friends, all of whom, if I can share what they tell me, love me very much. I can reach out in moments of happiness, despair or emptiness and they celebrate and/or support me. Fill my emotional tanks again and remind me of who I am thru their eyes. I am always in honest and sincere awe to hear a friend tell me how they see me. I aspire to see what they see. I am learning to see and maybe more importantly feel what they see in me.
To any one out there that is single and especially struggling in these Covid times, take this once in a lifetime opportunity to learn about who you are. I won't lie. It's F^%ing hard a$$ work. You won't like all you learn along the way, but then you start to arrive to your core. It's like the eye of a hurricane. Quite and the sun is shinning. The storms on either side are just part of the beauty. Self love is an amazing thing. Discover yourself in the absence of a relationship and all the strings that come with it. Teach yourself to celebrate who and what you are. Learn what makes you tick. Learn to truly love yourself. Warts and all.
Even as I write this my core belief on relationships is that life is better when you spend it with someone you deeply love. A sunset is richer and more beautiful when you can share it with someone else sitting beside you, holding your hand. Maybe we (I) will never have this. Maybe we (I) are destined to be alone in this world. But if you have true friends and/or family that both love and adore you (as you do them) and yourself, are we (I) really alone? I propose only in the physical sense which is a new concept for me.
You never ever know where lightening will strike. Maybe when we (I) are authentically at peace within our own skin and finding comfort in that space is there truly room for someone else. Maybe that is what they mean when they say "love will find you when you least expect it". I hate that adage. How do you not seek what you truly desire? But for sure it makes this come to mind by Henry David Thoreau: " Happiness is a butterfly which, when pursued is always beyond our grasp, but which, if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you". Maybe the "sit quietly" in this case, is with ourselves.
Tootles :)~
Heather
