Greetings and Salutations--
I would please ask that you pray in what ever form that you do for my mother whom suffered a major stoke and is in the ICU and fighting for her life since the early morning hours of Tuesday...I would humbly ask for any and all thoughts for a miraculous recovery...I'm just not quit ready to part with my mom..we still have many cups of coffee to drink together before work in the mornings and flowers to plant this coming season..I offer my absolute gratitude
Heather
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
Settle for Compromise
Greetings and Salutations--
How is everyone tonight? Excellent would be my desire for each and every one of you.. I was talking with my sister the other day and she is faced with the challenge of whether to move now (lease is coming up) or to put it off another year and continue to do a totally crazy (in my book) commute.. As we were talking and plotting out the pros and cons of should she stay or should she go, ( hey...isn't that a song..."should I stay or should I go now" ;) with one of her options she kept starting off the sentence with "I could settle for this..." and "If I do this, I'd be settling for..." I finally pointed out that if she replaces the word settle with compromise it can alter the light in which she sees all of her options.. She doesn't HAVE to move.. What ever pathway she chooses, she can make it about COMPROMISE not settling.. As soon as I used that word it clicked with her and it was something she started to wrap her head around..
I believe that even when we are faced with things that we have no choice about or in, the first thing I do, after I cool down and find my rational side, is to seek out where I can make any and all compromises.. I see this as a positive action.. Sometimes it may be picking your poisons but lets face it, some poisons you can survive from and some kill your ass dead in a nanosecond.. I believe that the word "compromise" sounds inherently positive.. Where as "settling" sounds like immediately it is the short end of the stick.. The word "settle" conjures up the mental pictures of what people look like when they are suck in a relationship they want out of but, for what ever reason, stay in.. "Settle" gives the notion that you have absolutely no choice in the matter and that you hate it already.. How can good feelings, thoughts, or pleasure come out of something that you already are at odds with?
I have a book that I am reading "Why We Believe What We Believe" by Andrew Newberg, MD.. This thing is PACKED with neurologically why we do what we do.. Its is amazing! For some time now I have be mystified as to why we can't leave things opened ended.. I have mentioned this often in my blogs.. Why we have to assign an ending or value to an interaction with someone/event if we don't know the results.. That we assign a positive or negative thought to an unknown outcome.. Apparently it is a construct to being Human that basically ( as I am starting to understand it) in order to make sense of our world that would otherwise be too chaotic to handle (neurologically), we constantly search for meaning and understanding.. We do this from the time we are born.. To leave things "open" goes against what we are "wired" to do.. You can't make sense of something if you don't know the outcome of an event/interaction..
So when I think of it this way, it is starting to make sense.. We have to, by our nature know the outcome.. So why not set your default to positive outcomes instead of negative ones? That it will all work out and if it doesn't, you will roll with it.. You will take it as it happens, not as what you imagine it (the move at work, the job interview you went on and are waiting to hear back, the argument you had with a friend that isn't resolved, the date you went on, but haven't gotten "the call" yet, etc etc) So you can either assign positive endings while waiting or you can pick the negative and be "prepared" for the worst..I believe that it is always the wining choice to determine that things will work out and everything will be great..
With a positive energy that emanates from deep within you, things that you never thought possible will start to happen.. You will begin to see and migrate towards great things happening because you expect them.. It is easy to say when you expect bad things to happen they usually do.. Why not accept if you expect great things to happen they will more often that you ever imagined.. After all, if you view most situations framed in the context of settling for the least shitty choice, doesn't that still leave you with a shit choice?
Tootles :)
Heather
How is everyone tonight? Excellent would be my desire for each and every one of you.. I was talking with my sister the other day and she is faced with the challenge of whether to move now (lease is coming up) or to put it off another year and continue to do a totally crazy (in my book) commute.. As we were talking and plotting out the pros and cons of should she stay or should she go, ( hey...isn't that a song..."should I stay or should I go now" ;) with one of her options she kept starting off the sentence with "I could settle for this..." and "If I do this, I'd be settling for..." I finally pointed out that if she replaces the word settle with compromise it can alter the light in which she sees all of her options.. She doesn't HAVE to move.. What ever pathway she chooses, she can make it about COMPROMISE not settling.. As soon as I used that word it clicked with her and it was something she started to wrap her head around..
I believe that even when we are faced with things that we have no choice about or in, the first thing I do, after I cool down and find my rational side, is to seek out where I can make any and all compromises.. I see this as a positive action.. Sometimes it may be picking your poisons but lets face it, some poisons you can survive from and some kill your ass dead in a nanosecond.. I believe that the word "compromise" sounds inherently positive.. Where as "settling" sounds like immediately it is the short end of the stick.. The word "settle" conjures up the mental pictures of what people look like when they are suck in a relationship they want out of but, for what ever reason, stay in.. "Settle" gives the notion that you have absolutely no choice in the matter and that you hate it already.. How can good feelings, thoughts, or pleasure come out of something that you already are at odds with?
I have a book that I am reading "Why We Believe What We Believe" by Andrew Newberg, MD.. This thing is PACKED with neurologically why we do what we do.. Its is amazing! For some time now I have be mystified as to why we can't leave things opened ended.. I have mentioned this often in my blogs.. Why we have to assign an ending or value to an interaction with someone/event if we don't know the results.. That we assign a positive or negative thought to an unknown outcome.. Apparently it is a construct to being Human that basically ( as I am starting to understand it) in order to make sense of our world that would otherwise be too chaotic to handle (neurologically), we constantly search for meaning and understanding.. We do this from the time we are born.. To leave things "open" goes against what we are "wired" to do.. You can't make sense of something if you don't know the outcome of an event/interaction..
So when I think of it this way, it is starting to make sense.. We have to, by our nature know the outcome.. So why not set your default to positive outcomes instead of negative ones? That it will all work out and if it doesn't, you will roll with it.. You will take it as it happens, not as what you imagine it (the move at work, the job interview you went on and are waiting to hear back, the argument you had with a friend that isn't resolved, the date you went on, but haven't gotten "the call" yet, etc etc) So you can either assign positive endings while waiting or you can pick the negative and be "prepared" for the worst..I believe that it is always the wining choice to determine that things will work out and everything will be great..
With a positive energy that emanates from deep within you, things that you never thought possible will start to happen.. You will begin to see and migrate towards great things happening because you expect them.. It is easy to say when you expect bad things to happen they usually do.. Why not accept if you expect great things to happen they will more often that you ever imagined.. After all, if you view most situations framed in the context of settling for the least shitty choice, doesn't that still leave you with a shit choice?
Tootles :)
Heather
Sunday, March 10, 2013
The Bumps and Bruises of Friendship
Greetings and Salutations--
Well, I decided to take advantage of my mood today and blog early.. Didn't want to take the chance that the thoughts and feelings would evaporate by tomorrow.. Today's topic came to me while I was talking with a friend of mine the other day.. She was speaking about a relationship of her's that is is strained.. She was talking about being willing to make an effort at improving it, but topped off the sentence with "I'll give it a try but if they don't respond its not my job to make this work" (that isn't a direct quote but very close to it) My knee jerk thought was maybe it is her "job", since she cares, to get the ball rolling and initiate what the other person either isn't capable of or is unwilling to do at this time.. My second thought was isn't it interesting that we often clarify the conclusion of a future event with what we will do when it ends badly?? Its interesting that we all struggle with the unknown.. When is the last time you felt like you were putting yourself out there, making yourself emotionally vulnerable, and thought "boy am I going to feel great when this ends just like a hoped" without the disclaimer of how you will feel or what you will do if it fails miserably?? I believe it is an act of self preservation to figure out plan "b" ahead of time should "a" fail like we are scared it might.. No one likes to be broadsided and not see something hurtful or disappointing coming their way.. Its much easier to prepare for the worst, then it isn't as devastating..
Speaking of being "broadsided".. This takes me to what I really want to blog about.. Yesterday I was talking with another friend.. I was having a wonderful day and was telling her about it.. I had been in a great frame of mind since Friday and was loving the sense of calmness that had settled over me.. During the conversation, what was out of the blue for me, I got the riot friendship act read to me.. WOW.. To say "that hurt" is a gross understatement.. In the end I as informed it wasn't as bad as it could have been and not to be so "dramatic".. The details of what she said are less important than what it made me think of in the hours I have had to reflect and lick my wounds.
Relationships are interesting that we chose to engage in with other people.. I have always considered myself fiercely loyal to my friends.. To stand by them through thick and thin.. Maybe it is the awareness that I am under going, but I am starting to see relationships in a light I have never noticed before.. For example how can friends, that I collected for a brief time while I was working in a city, come into town to visit me for the weekend and it seem like it was just yesterday we were all hanging out? Friends, mind you that I haven't seen nor talked to in 3 solid years..Yet a friend that I have been so very close to for years and years and talk to with regularity for some time now seems like such a stranger?
Maybe, I think relationships aren't the steady unchanging rock I thought they were.. Maybe relationships are like the ebb and flow of the ocean.. High tide when you are connected to that friend and grounded in the commonalities of your lives.. Low tide when things are more distance and strained.. The tides always change back and forth between the two.. Maybe true friendship is one that stands the test of time and is the person you don't see for years, fall out of touch with, yet when the tide is right you are together and close again.. Maybe there are times in your life, if you are lucky enough to have a life long friend, that you have to wait out the moments when you can't relate to each other..
Life is full of times when you are happy and rocking it out and times when it just plan out blows chunks.. Why have I always looked at friendships as never changing?? Our lives take us in diverging directions and there is no reason to suspect that friendships can't or won't come around full circle.. That change is just that--change.. It isn't forever and all things are possible with time.. Relationships take effort and work.. Love and understanding..
I am postulating that sometimes friendships need space.. Time to inventory how your lives are different and develop new ways to have common ground.. Maybe true friendships are those that evolve over time and stand the test, not of the change but of the time it takes to make that happen.. It isn't a competition to think of whether the relationships in your life are "true" or "real".. I think it is just a matter of deciding if those you chose to surround yourself are all in the same stage of life.. Maybe more often than I ever thought possible you have to listen to yourself and those around you and be sure that you can meet the needs of your friends that are in your life at this moment and vise versa.. Today, after a days reflection I can't offer my friend what she needs.. That saddens me deeply.. But maybe I can offer to be a better friend to let her know that when things settle out in both of our lives we will be there for each other.. Maybe keeping it on the back burner, yet not off the stove is what it takes to keep a life long friend..
Tootles :)
Heather
Well, I decided to take advantage of my mood today and blog early.. Didn't want to take the chance that the thoughts and feelings would evaporate by tomorrow.. Today's topic came to me while I was talking with a friend of mine the other day.. She was speaking about a relationship of her's that is is strained.. She was talking about being willing to make an effort at improving it, but topped off the sentence with "I'll give it a try but if they don't respond its not my job to make this work" (that isn't a direct quote but very close to it) My knee jerk thought was maybe it is her "job", since she cares, to get the ball rolling and initiate what the other person either isn't capable of or is unwilling to do at this time.. My second thought was isn't it interesting that we often clarify the conclusion of a future event with what we will do when it ends badly?? Its interesting that we all struggle with the unknown.. When is the last time you felt like you were putting yourself out there, making yourself emotionally vulnerable, and thought "boy am I going to feel great when this ends just like a hoped" without the disclaimer of how you will feel or what you will do if it fails miserably?? I believe it is an act of self preservation to figure out plan "b" ahead of time should "a" fail like we are scared it might.. No one likes to be broadsided and not see something hurtful or disappointing coming their way.. Its much easier to prepare for the worst, then it isn't as devastating..
Speaking of being "broadsided".. This takes me to what I really want to blog about.. Yesterday I was talking with another friend.. I was having a wonderful day and was telling her about it.. I had been in a great frame of mind since Friday and was loving the sense of calmness that had settled over me.. During the conversation, what was out of the blue for me, I got the riot friendship act read to me.. WOW.. To say "that hurt" is a gross understatement.. In the end I as informed it wasn't as bad as it could have been and not to be so "dramatic".. The details of what she said are less important than what it made me think of in the hours I have had to reflect and lick my wounds.
Relationships are interesting that we chose to engage in with other people.. I have always considered myself fiercely loyal to my friends.. To stand by them through thick and thin.. Maybe it is the awareness that I am under going, but I am starting to see relationships in a light I have never noticed before.. For example how can friends, that I collected for a brief time while I was working in a city, come into town to visit me for the weekend and it seem like it was just yesterday we were all hanging out? Friends, mind you that I haven't seen nor talked to in 3 solid years..Yet a friend that I have been so very close to for years and years and talk to with regularity for some time now seems like such a stranger?
Maybe, I think relationships aren't the steady unchanging rock I thought they were.. Maybe relationships are like the ebb and flow of the ocean.. High tide when you are connected to that friend and grounded in the commonalities of your lives.. Low tide when things are more distance and strained.. The tides always change back and forth between the two.. Maybe true friendship is one that stands the test of time and is the person you don't see for years, fall out of touch with, yet when the tide is right you are together and close again.. Maybe there are times in your life, if you are lucky enough to have a life long friend, that you have to wait out the moments when you can't relate to each other..
Life is full of times when you are happy and rocking it out and times when it just plan out blows chunks.. Why have I always looked at friendships as never changing?? Our lives take us in diverging directions and there is no reason to suspect that friendships can't or won't come around full circle.. That change is just that--change.. It isn't forever and all things are possible with time.. Relationships take effort and work.. Love and understanding..
I am postulating that sometimes friendships need space.. Time to inventory how your lives are different and develop new ways to have common ground.. Maybe true friendships are those that evolve over time and stand the test, not of the change but of the time it takes to make that happen.. It isn't a competition to think of whether the relationships in your life are "true" or "real".. I think it is just a matter of deciding if those you chose to surround yourself are all in the same stage of life.. Maybe more often than I ever thought possible you have to listen to yourself and those around you and be sure that you can meet the needs of your friends that are in your life at this moment and vise versa.. Today, after a days reflection I can't offer my friend what she needs.. That saddens me deeply.. But maybe I can offer to be a better friend to let her know that when things settle out in both of our lives we will be there for each other.. Maybe keeping it on the back burner, yet not off the stove is what it takes to keep a life long friend..
Tootles :)
Heather
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Frustration Strikes Again
Greetings and Salutations--
Well I think I might be dangerous with the combination of a little sleep and watching Breaking Dawn Part 2 at home...alone :) So here goes nothing.. I have no idea if this happens to most people but music gives me an endorphin high, and often.. I know I have mentioned this before, but the mood I am in tonight calls for a repeat of the topic but with expounded thought.. Here is to saying something that I haven't before (I hope) Funny thing is I didn't realize how often I can make it happen.. Not every time but just about.. I always thought it was brought on mostly by a mood that had to be preexisting, followed by the release.. Now I can listen to music and it gets my synaptic cleft more active than The 405 (Interstate) in Los Angeles during rush hour :) It is like a drug coursing through my veins.. Imagine all of the movies that you have ever seen where the person transforms.. Were they show a metamorphosis of someone in a wave that crosses over their skin or body. That is how I feel when music washes over me like honey, sticking to every pore enveloping me in warmth and happiness..
It is an odd feeling to have the sensation that the thoughts of my dreams make me feel as if I could supply power to lower Manhattan and yet want to give up at the same time.. I think this is the gulf where most of us give up on our dreams of change and desires and return to the familiar grounds of our old comfort zone.. Where is it familiar and boring.. I refuse to do that, although I am at the point where I am uber frustrated with all of the thoughts and ideas that bang around in my mind that haven't come to fruition.. I feel like if what I have inside me doesn't find its way out and be able to be expressed that I will explode..
Professionally, finding where I really belong and can be super creative and be rewarded for that both on a personal and financial level.. I want financial freedom and I know, don't we all.. But I want to not stop until I achieve it.. I want to figure out how to actually make it happen, not just wish it to be.. Personally, I feel like if I could talk to a man and he could get into my brain I would blow him away with my thoughts and ideas of life, and the kind of life I want to share with someone.. It is about wanting to share my worth with a special man.. I want to find that needle in a haystack.
I can't help feeling every day I am destined for something different than what I am doing now.. In both of the arenas that I am speaking of.. That is why it isn't about me needing a man to make me feel "loved" or not "lonely".. I truly feel I don't "need" a relationship I WANT one.. Oh the difference that I feel.. I see finding the man of my dreams absolutely equal to finding the job of my dreams.. Is it a fantasy to find either? Maybe this strong desire is a mirage from all of the changes I am challenging myself to undergo.. Maybe it is something to entertain my brain since the reality of it all is that I will never find that dream job and I will settle for the next dude that comes along, whether he is someone I would truly want or is right for me.. I'll hang onto whom ever the wind blows my way.. I will keep doing this job and feel under stimulated and non creative.. I will work Monday through Friday for the next 23 years and retire when I am 65.. yee flipping haw.. I can hardly wait for tomorrow to come.. Another day of hum drum and same old same old.. Are you fricking kidding me? I'll pass :)
So I guess the end thought is how to figure out how to not only not give up, but how to stay creative and seek out what I/you desire most-- your/my destiny.. Can you find it, or does it have to find you instead? How do the people who live their dreams everyday find that? luck? Can you cultivate patience and if so how? Maybe that is the next wave of books I need to read.. How to help Destiny along without driving yourself or those around you crazy.. Any ideas?
Tootles :)
Heather
Well I think I might be dangerous with the combination of a little sleep and watching Breaking Dawn Part 2 at home...alone :) So here goes nothing.. I have no idea if this happens to most people but music gives me an endorphin high, and often.. I know I have mentioned this before, but the mood I am in tonight calls for a repeat of the topic but with expounded thought.. Here is to saying something that I haven't before (I hope) Funny thing is I didn't realize how often I can make it happen.. Not every time but just about.. I always thought it was brought on mostly by a mood that had to be preexisting, followed by the release.. Now I can listen to music and it gets my synaptic cleft more active than The 405 (Interstate) in Los Angeles during rush hour :) It is like a drug coursing through my veins.. Imagine all of the movies that you have ever seen where the person transforms.. Were they show a metamorphosis of someone in a wave that crosses over their skin or body. That is how I feel when music washes over me like honey, sticking to every pore enveloping me in warmth and happiness..
It is an odd feeling to have the sensation that the thoughts of my dreams make me feel as if I could supply power to lower Manhattan and yet want to give up at the same time.. I think this is the gulf where most of us give up on our dreams of change and desires and return to the familiar grounds of our old comfort zone.. Where is it familiar and boring.. I refuse to do that, although I am at the point where I am uber frustrated with all of the thoughts and ideas that bang around in my mind that haven't come to fruition.. I feel like if what I have inside me doesn't find its way out and be able to be expressed that I will explode..
Professionally, finding where I really belong and can be super creative and be rewarded for that both on a personal and financial level.. I want financial freedom and I know, don't we all.. But I want to not stop until I achieve it.. I want to figure out how to actually make it happen, not just wish it to be.. Personally, I feel like if I could talk to a man and he could get into my brain I would blow him away with my thoughts and ideas of life, and the kind of life I want to share with someone.. It is about wanting to share my worth with a special man.. I want to find that needle in a haystack.
I can't help feeling every day I am destined for something different than what I am doing now.. In both of the arenas that I am speaking of.. That is why it isn't about me needing a man to make me feel "loved" or not "lonely".. I truly feel I don't "need" a relationship I WANT one.. Oh the difference that I feel.. I see finding the man of my dreams absolutely equal to finding the job of my dreams.. Is it a fantasy to find either? Maybe this strong desire is a mirage from all of the changes I am challenging myself to undergo.. Maybe it is something to entertain my brain since the reality of it all is that I will never find that dream job and I will settle for the next dude that comes along, whether he is someone I would truly want or is right for me.. I'll hang onto whom ever the wind blows my way.. I will keep doing this job and feel under stimulated and non creative.. I will work Monday through Friday for the next 23 years and retire when I am 65.. yee flipping haw.. I can hardly wait for tomorrow to come.. Another day of hum drum and same old same old.. Are you fricking kidding me? I'll pass :)
So I guess the end thought is how to figure out how to not only not give up, but how to stay creative and seek out what I/you desire most-- your/my destiny.. Can you find it, or does it have to find you instead? How do the people who live their dreams everyday find that? luck? Can you cultivate patience and if so how? Maybe that is the next wave of books I need to read.. How to help Destiny along without driving yourself or those around you crazy.. Any ideas?
Tootles :)
Heather
Monday, March 4, 2013
Short Greetings
Greetings and Salutations--
I hope everyone is well and things are going good in everyone's lives.. Sorry to report but I am short on creativity tonight.. I am exhausted and headed to bed.. I had company this weekend that has reminded me about why it is best to never give up hope for a time when a friendship can come full circle and someone that was once a part of your life that has disappeared can return out of nowhere.. Twice in less than six months, I have had 3 friends (one couple and one single) do just that.. This weekend has also shown me that I am slowly developing a level of concentration to be in the moment that not too far in the distant past I would have never believed possible in myself.. I was so wrapped up in my weekend that it wasn't until about an hour before work that I realized I needed to wash my uniforms.. Opps :) I was left emotional when the house was empty from the constant chatter and after a quite drive to work realized why I was so moved that they were gone.. I was sad that my friends were not moving to Charleston and humbled that they thought of me after a three year absence in my life.. Happy that we are now closer together ( at least they are on the East Coast ) have reconnected and that they both have qualities I strive to have within myself..
Please check back over the week-- I will get some rest and give my brain some much needed downtime and will put out this weeks blog by Wednesday night..
Tootles :)
Heather
I hope everyone is well and things are going good in everyone's lives.. Sorry to report but I am short on creativity tonight.. I am exhausted and headed to bed.. I had company this weekend that has reminded me about why it is best to never give up hope for a time when a friendship can come full circle and someone that was once a part of your life that has disappeared can return out of nowhere.. Twice in less than six months, I have had 3 friends (one couple and one single) do just that.. This weekend has also shown me that I am slowly developing a level of concentration to be in the moment that not too far in the distant past I would have never believed possible in myself.. I was so wrapped up in my weekend that it wasn't until about an hour before work that I realized I needed to wash my uniforms.. Opps :) I was left emotional when the house was empty from the constant chatter and after a quite drive to work realized why I was so moved that they were gone.. I was sad that my friends were not moving to Charleston and humbled that they thought of me after a three year absence in my life.. Happy that we are now closer together ( at least they are on the East Coast ) have reconnected and that they both have qualities I strive to have within myself..
Please check back over the week-- I will get some rest and give my brain some much needed downtime and will put out this weeks blog by Wednesday night..
Tootles :)
Heather
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