Greetings and Salutations,
What? Twice in one week after not blogging for two years? I am so excited to be writing again. I have problem solved one of my biggest issues which was not being able to write in my apartment. The space just isn't conducive. I am going to work on that, but for the time being here we are again together. Oh how I have missed you. I certainly hope you are all doing fantastic.
Today at work I got hit by an epiphany. As I navigate the online dating world I have learned much about not only myself, which I could make into another blog, but about human behavior and interaction. I have been trying to understand why, generically speaking, the majority of guys want to skip to sex and intimacy. I know the simple answers. I'm interested in the deeper ones. Today I was hit out of the blue with viable answers. We truly live in a different world than I have known up until now. So much has changed since the Internet, but nothing (for the purpose of my topic today) has changed human interaction more than smartphones and texting.
We are more disconnected than we have ever been in my life time. I think you could easily say in modern times and not be overstating a fact. While I really think I am correct in that statement, I don't feel like doing the research to back it up. We no longer communicate-- we text. We hide behind the comfort of knowing you can really text anything you want no matter how perverted, rude, or disgusting because you don't have to look into the eyes of the person you are having a conversation with. Because it isn't a real conversation.
Should you be the writer, you can say anything you want. The phone offeres a buffer to the social norms of face to face interaction. Should you be on the receiving end, it's one dimensional, heard in your head with your voice as the narrator. It greatly depends on your temperament of the day and your perspective alone in life as to the tone and how the message sounds to you. There would be alot less misunderstandings in the texting world if Morgan Freeman could be the built in narrator of every ones texts. Impossible to misunderstand something that man reads LOL
I just got back from online date number 431 (or so it feels LOL). Apparently, given the post conversation of a first meeting followed up with two days of texing I am spot on with my hypothesis. Condensed version is this guy, who at first meeting appeared to be not the typical guy. Smart, attractive, well educated, in my age group. But his texting choice of conversation was in direct contrast to who he seemed to be in person. After two hours of a first meeting his text questions included when could he see me naked and when could we be more intimate. Jeez.
He really got me thinking. In a good way. With more depth than his shallow and predictable line of text talking. I asked him clarification questions based on how he came across on the phone. I asked him would he look me in the eye and ask the same questions. He said no absolutely not. I find it funny because I would never say anything via text that I wouldn't have the balls to to look someone in the face and ask/say. Guess that sets me apart from 99% of the current dating population. How boring for me.
These are my take away thoughts. Intimacy is something that in my opinion comes about as you get to know someone or know well. Not 2 hours after meeting. Intimacy, whether it includes actual sex or all the stuff in between is best felt (at best) with the emotional depth two people feel that are somewhat known to each other. Why would you want to skip this integral part? Intimacy in the absence of emotional depth and connection is purely sexual gratification. Sex and all that comes with it is so much better felt on a deeper level. It's what gives physical contact greater pleasure. I am speaking in terms beyond just wanting a one night stand.
I think most men and I know this can apply to women as well, but I am speaking to my individual experience, want to cherry pick. They want to reap the rewards of human touch and oneness without wanting to put in the effort of forging some kind of relationship in my opinion it takes to make that physical connection have real meaning. They are unable, unwilling, to do the work it takes to make any kind of real emotion connection. They get bored easily, after all we live in an instant world. Most of us have a skewed sense of what's real. So many people today lack the skills for interpersonal relationships. Real face time. Real conversation. It is a byproduct of the Internet, social media, smartphones, all the apps that come with them, and texting.
How exactly are you to meet anyone with these forces working against you? I am perplexed. Baffled, but this is the dating world that I live in. The more I learn, the more I love being single. The more I am really ready to celebrate who I am, my standards, and my choices of how to fill my time day today. I draw strength from what seems like dating failures to the outside world. I'll wait my turn. My Edward, Raj, or Justin is out there. Until we cross paths, I'll have the best single life possible.
Tootles :)~
Heather
