Thoughts of 2013

Greetings and Salutations,
     The original writing of this blog was done at Voodoo. As I transposed it to the computer I have intermingled today's thoughts with those of last night. I am so happy that I have found my "blog voice" again and thank you for following my blog. As always I am humbled that you come back and read my thoughts.
     I'm writing this at Voodoo New Years Eve. Its 735 pm and I figured I would multitask by coming out alittle early to blog and get a good seat at the bar. I hope you all have/had great plans to greet 2014 in your own special way. New Years has always been very important to me. Mostly it marks a new beginning when its easy to reset your efforts and get focused. Its a chance for a "do over". I love the opportunity to have another chance to get it right. To get closer to what I want out of my life.
     Hummm. The year in review for me. Started off awesome and very focused on my goals. In March the rug was pulled out from underneath me with the sudden and unexpected month long illness and subsequent death of my mother. March, April, May, and most of June quite frankly are a blur. While things will never be the same, I embrace with an open mind and heart of what my new future holds for me without her. I'll do my best to be the woman she saw when she looked at me. Giving up on discovering what my life is to be and happiness isn't an option. Simple as that.
     July, August, and September saw biking, swimming, and endless projects. I am sure alot of this was therapy and my way of working thought the first stages of grief. October saw mom's first birthday without her. Before I really had a chance to catch my breath it was time for the holidays. I saw a screeching halt to all of my activity. I even lost my blogging voice. Basically I went into survival mode. Wake up, go to work and come home. Anything beyond that was and has been daunting and overwhelming. This lasted October, November, and December.
     I made it through the "last time" of my first Christmas without her. I feel proud I made it though and without hating the holidays. Next year will be about new traditions and building on this years experience. This holiday season wasn't without trials and disappointments. But I am on the other side of it all and feel so much stronger for it. I haven't solved as many questions as I have learned more about myself and how I see life and the people in it.
     I have learned there is efficacy in allowing yourself to be where you are, even if its sad and depressed. Pain is part of life and it isn't about feeling it. For me it is all about how you process it. How long you give yourself permission to marinate in your sorrow. I believe it is a double edged sword to give yourself time to process the sadness and sorrow no matter the origin. You just have to be very very careful you keep one eye on the calendar. All things in moderation including the dark days. Then it is about determination and what you are willing to settle for. Period.
     This year has taught me alot. There have been a multitude of ups and downs sometimes in one day. I have learned I have a tough softness. I have learned despite great sorrow I still believe in great things. I believe deeply that in bad times "this too shall pass" is the truth. I believe in perseverance. I have cried alot. I see light and lots of it at the end of the tunnel and for that I am grateful. I look forward to getting back on track of swimming, biking, and projects galore.
     My sincere wish to each of you for 2014 is to reach for what burns deep inside you. Do what ever it takes to make it a reality. Things you never imagined can happen if you do what it takes. You don't have to have it all worked out in your head. Doors open to those who try to turn the knob, sometimes more than once. The door that is locked today can open tomorrow.
     Depression, setbacks, and mistakes don't have to define you or your life. Don't give up. I think the most important first step is to be honest with yourself about what you really want out of your life. Only then can you truly be willing to stop at nothing to achieve your dreams. Then its on like Donkey Kong. Happy New Year!

Tootles :)
Heather