Greetings and Salutations, (this was written Sunday)
It has been one week today that I arrived in California. I am so very excited but I have to admit out loud that I am taken mildly aback that I still have some adjusting to the culture shock that is San Francisco and California. It has been five years since I have lived here and I thought that totally counted. I have humbly discovered that even with prior experience, there is still plenty of readjusting ahead of me.
I have been spending time this week thinking about how change effects us. Even self inflicted, change is stressful. In order to have the best experience possible while on this journey of change I will redirect my brain gently back to the present as much as possible when I get worked up about the next step before I get to it. Wondering when I will get a full time job. Worrying about the slightly (tongue in cheek) overwhelming process of deciding what part of the city, including outside of it, to live. Will I run out of savings before I land a job. One thing at a time. Breathe.
Change. Its a challenging, often difficult to process to navigate. We naturally long for predictability in our lives. It makes us feel safe and secure. I guess that is a perspective I have never thought about until now. Change as a process, not just a feeling to be rated from 0-10 scale of unbearable to most comfortable. It really is a process that you have to go through to get to the other side.
That is why your temperament has everything to do with your interpretation of the effect the process has on you. One man's trench to wallow in is another man's mountain to conquer. Crappy all the way or surrender best you can and become one with the process. The choice, while rarely easy nor completely impossible is simply, complicatedly (is this a word?) up to the individual. Nothing is forever and what was uncomfortable yesterday with patience becomes tomorrows pleasure. I chose to see the mountain.
This morning while I was eating breakfast I was enjoying TV (I haven't had cable since June last year). I was surfing and settled on a sermon with Joel OSteen already in progress.
It was about being satisfied where ever you are in your current season (of life) even if it isn't quite where you want to be. To not fall into the trap of the proverbial carrot that dangles in front of you of contentment/satisfaction. If I get____, then I will be happy. If I get this or that job or this or that apartment/house then I'll be happy. Problem is human nature teaches us (if we pay attention) "then" never comes. Its always replaced with something else. We can get stuck in a life of discontentment/dissatisfaction. This was a very timely sermon. It reminded me of where I honestly do try to keep myself. Satisfaction with the moment I am in, while still keeping my eye on the goal.
No matter how long it takes you to attain the goals you set for yourself in life never stop trying to get there. I can honestly say that if I wasn't as driven as I was for some things I can't even explain, I would have never made this move to California. I would have changed my mind a multitude of times along the way.
I am still scared now. I just keep forging ahead. I will see this through success or fail. What I am trying to say is your journey has to be your own. It has to have meaning and have teeth for you and no one else. When you get scared and want to chicken out along the way, you have to have the fortitude to stick with your original plan because of what it means to you. That comes only from within you.
I will take the time to remind myself when I get scared of the changes I am under going, it is a process like anything else in life and this too shall pass. This too shall improve and get better with time. I need to be as relaxed as possible to make the best choices along the way I can so that the outcome exceeds my expectations and fears. How can I really lose if I exceed either one of those two things?
Tootles :)
Heather
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